i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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