well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
