I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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