i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
