You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
