Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you didnt know i had herpes?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
