You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
