Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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