I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
