Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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