Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize