Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
