I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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