If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize