Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
