Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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