ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
