dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
