im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
