Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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