U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
