So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize