So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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