is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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