Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize