Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
