I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
