update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
