Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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