Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
