9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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