And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You left your phone here
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