K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
