eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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