another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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