My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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