I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
