i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
