no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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