I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
