1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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