i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
