Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
