1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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