Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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