i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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