Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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