I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
