Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
