How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
