Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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