What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
