im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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