Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
