bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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