It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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