just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
