And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
