Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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