Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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