What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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