i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
