My room smells like vodka and shame
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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