Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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