i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize