He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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