forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
