cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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